I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
