just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
