im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
