no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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