why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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