Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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