I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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