Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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