Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
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