your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
