Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
