she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
