At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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