Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
