The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
