I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
