I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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