K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
