She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
