i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did not marry a roomba.
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