So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize