it was like having sex with a tree stump
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
