Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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