brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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