I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
