Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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