I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
