Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
