I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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