Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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