I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
