I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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