Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
