So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
