you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize