oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
