Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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