Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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