Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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