Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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