Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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