too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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