I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
