I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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