he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
