This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
