why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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