i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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