When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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