I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
handjob tips. give me some.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
