That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
