if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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