Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
