I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
