and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This house was built for laser tag.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
