What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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