hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
