This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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