I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
