Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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