hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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