it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
